Niagara Falls

OK, so after a second visit in less than 3 months, I'm ready to give my pointers:

     1)  Plan to overspend on almost everything (very familiar to most Canadians).
     2)  Choose your eating spots really wisely.
     3)  Either set a limit on how many attractions you plan to visit, or brace yourself for a lot of crap.

Now don't get me wrong - the Falls themselves (the Canadian horseshoe one and the U.S. one) are a marvel to behold and awe-inspiring to the point that you want to set up a lawn chair and sit in front of them for hours, which some people do.  They are literally awe-inspiring in the way that every natural wonder of the world (though the Falls isn't technically on the list) moves you to stare in awe and reflect on your life, the beauty of nature, and your place in the universe.  Stuff like that.

But of course like every wonder of the world, you have to expect that the celebrity of the place will be bastardized by the kitschy attractions, the endless array of degrading souvenirs, and the novelty restaurants/stores.  In Canada we've become as good at it as anyone.

So if you haven't gone yet (or haven't been in a while), you might also benefit from the experience - and excessive spending - of someone like me who values their hard-earned cash but isn't afraid of admitting he got suckered by things like:

The Clifton Hill Attractions.  I'd like to be dramatic and extremist and say "avoid everything on this street at all costs", but instead I'd suggest avoiding most things on this street, such as:

• the little-kid attractions (the "legobrickland" is one big room with a great exhibit but next-to-nothing interactive - you'll ooh and ahh and take pictures but leave after 10 mins; the playland is just a notch above McD's but you pay for it)
• the Ripley's attractions (unless you've never been to a Believe-It-Or-Not Museum, in which case this one is impressive but has pretty much the same as every other BION museum in the world)
• the 4-D rides (very short films, Ripley's had greasy glasses and seats, and if you've been to  Disney-Universal these ones pale in comparison)
• the Guiness Records museum (not interactive, many plaques/photos on the walls, and the fun games/interactive parts you pay for like an arcade game)
• the arcades (you buy tokens and get tickets like that popuar "cheesy" restaurant chain that most parents know, but you pay 50 cents a token!)
• the wax museums (lame, lame, lame - maybe this was impressive 50 years ago, but many of the newer "likenesses" are terrible)

EXCEPTIONS/SOLUTIONS: 

1. the Ripley's BION museum if you haven't been to one already (see#2): very entertaining compared to most of the "museums" on the strip
2. the Fudge Factory: pricey but you see them making fudge, get free tastes, and it's a great assortment of candy
3. the Niagara Sky Wheel: I may get some flak for this one, but I like ferris wheels, $10 an adult was reasonable, and the view is awesome - and after dark you get extra spins and some necking-time with the missus
4. the haunted houses: only if you really enjoy being scared by loud noises, gruesome scenes, and being grabbed by strange staff in the dark, which I don't

View from the Sky Wheel

The Other Local Attractions.  Actually not as bad overall as the CH ones, but I'd have to give the "thumbs down" to:

• the "indoor sky diving" - you pay almost $100 for 45 mins ("with lessons"), but the customers we watched only spent 10 mins in the machine flopping around 5 ft off the ground
• the Imax theatre - snack bar was stale food, the film was a very dated documentary about the Falls (not 3D) that had some interested facts I could have read about instead of watching a "B" movie
• the Greg F theatre - dinner theatre with a magician:  the food was mediocre and being too close ruined the sleight-of-hand for me (see my post in June)

EXCEPTIONS/SOLUTIONS:

1. the Falls themselves (see above) - we did the Maid of the Mist and the Journey Behind the Falls: the boat ride puts you right in the middle but it's hard to see and take photos, while the walk puts you on a landing next to the Falls where it's easier to stand and take it in
2. the Fallsview Indoor Waterpark - not cheap, but a pretty good indoor WP; gets old after an hour or two but great to come back to after a hot day
3. the Skylon Tower - overpriced if you bring the kids, but for a couple it's an above-average meal with classy service (feel free to dress up) and an awesome rotating view of the falls
4. the casinos (Fallsview and Casino Niagara being the biggest): a blast if you like blowing your money on games of chance, paying for overpriced food and drink, and catching the occasional 80's rock group trying to cash in, which I don't

                                                

View from the landing at Journey Behind the Falls 

The Hotels.  Instead of describing what the other travel websites can tell you, let me boil it down to a few things:

1. The closer to the Falls, the more expensive the hotel - a cheap hotel near the Falls is either a motel or unsanitary or both.
2. The more expensive hotels don't give you much more for that extra $100 a night, except a shorter walk/drive; parking is NEVER FREE (2 hotels we visited) and the food is usually mediocre (I'm looking at you, Best Western!).
3. "Pet friendly" means you can leave your pet in the room or the hotel's kennel ONLY at the Best Western - the Sheraton lets you have a pet but it can't be left anywhere.
4. There are much cheaper hotels just outside the city (not the motels, the hotels people!) if you don't mind driving in and out of the Falls area which is not a bad commute.
5. Bottom line: if you have a vehicle I'd advise lodging outside the Falls area, since you'll have to pay for parking anyway; if you don't  have a vehilce you'll pay for it since decent lodging within walking distance of the Falls is ridiculously expensive ($250-$300 a night after fees and taxes).

The Restaurants.  And instead of turning into a restaurant critic, some tips:

1. Most places will overcharge based on being in Niagara Falls, so just brace yourself for that.  No decent entree to be found for under $15 a person, but like I said, Canadians are used to that. 
2. My suggestion?  Either go with what you know (The Keg, Thai Express for lunch, Rainforest Cafe for the kids) or you roll the dice with that $15.  A lot of crappy food is made available by restaurants that are mass-producing for the tourists.
3. Thumbs up:  Curry Queen Indian
4. Thumbs Down: New York Chinese
5. Looked deservedly popular (Italian): Antica Pizzeria   
6. Looked deservedly unpopular (Italian): Casa D'Oro
7. Don't get the breakfast or dinner "package" at your hotel: you may save a few bucks, but you'll be stuck with whatever quality you get (or don't get - still looking at you, BW!)

                                               

The Parking.  Many, many parking opportunities in the Falls area, and many of them decent.  Drive around a little to find the best rate, but I recommend:

1. The small lot next to the Applebees on Victoria near CH - the cheapest rate near CH from what we could tell.
2. The lot at Fallsview and Robinson, when you want to be closer to Skylon - we never used it but it always seemed to underprice the other lots.
3. Calling your hotel to make reservations instead of doing it online, so you understand what you're getting and not getting, including the advertised "free" parking.

 The Souvenirs.  And what about the tempting array of souvenir stores, you ask?  Well, without reviewing specific stores, since there are many, I'd suggest:

1. Shop around a little if you can.  Most souvenirs in stores along CH can be found a few blocks away for cheaper at non-CH stores, including your typical t-shirts, posters, etc. - especially along Victoria.
2. Set a budget (fixed amount) for yourself and members of your family, so everyone can only spend so much and has to narrow their choices.  It's what we did and we certainly didn't regret it - you tend to value the one item you return with more than a bagful of junk.  Also, no family member or friend wants to receive a souvenir with the Falls stamped on it.  Buy them some fudge.
3. Also, you must buy at least one of each of the following items: a snow-globe, a Falls placemat with your child's name on it, a cheap t-shirt or hat with "Niagara Falls" on it, and a mug for a loved one.  It is vitally important to the sustainability of the Falls that everyone buy as many facsimiles as possible.  God forbid we should have to remember our experiences without plastic props.